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Who Is 
Sasuke?
Sasuke is one of the most pompous, arrogant assholes on the planet. His superority complex and way he talks down to everyone around him while expecting them to bend over backwards to accomodate him is UNMATCHED. His hypocrisy is unparalleled in the entire universe. He talks down to everyone around him while expecting total obedience to rules he made up five minutes ago. Rumor has it he once broke his leg stepping down off his high horse because it was SO high in the air. BUT, due to his unmatched douchery mixed with distant French heritage, his tears have never before seen healing properties. When you drink Sasuke's tears, it enhances your lifeforce and gives you new powers you've only ever dreamed of. Drinking Sasuke's tears daily with breakfast may cause giddyness, a smile so big people will think you slept with a hangar in your mouth, and otherwise feeling happy for no reason at all! If you wanna enjoy life, you just GOTTA try Sasuke's tears!
Who Is 
Sasuke?

 Sasuke’s Tears™ - Drink the Drama. Gain the Power.

 Sasuke’s Tears™ - Drink the Drama. Gain the Power.

Sasuke is one of the most pompous, arrogant assholes on the planet. His superority complex and way he talks down to everyone around him while expecting them to bend over backwards to accomodate him is UNMATCHED. His hypocrisy is unparalleled in the entire universe. He talks down to everyone around him while expecting total obedience to rules he made up five minutes ago. Rumor has it he once broke his leg stepping down off his high horse because it was SO high in the air. BUT, due to his unmatched douchery mixed with distant French heritage, his tears have never before seen healing properties. When you drink Sasuke's tears, it enhances your lifeforce and gives you new powers you've only ever dreamed of. Drinking Sasuke's tears daily with breakfast may cause giddyness, a smile so big people will think you slept with a hangar in your mouth, and otherwise feeling happy for no reason at all! If you wanna enjoy life, you just GOTTA try Sasuke's tears!
"Sasuke's tears made my penis grow 5 sizes bigger."
Davos Seasworth
Happy Customer of Sasuke's Tears
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All Rights Reserved 2025. © Sasukestears.com
Disclaimer: Results may vary depending on how emotionally repressed you are. Sasuke’s Tears™ is not FDA-approved, FDA-adjacent, or even morally acceptable, but that won’t stop you from loving every drop! Do not consume if you’re already full of yourself — overdose risk is very real. 

May cause spontaneous self-reflection, temporary humility, or hallucinations of being the main character. For best absorption, drink while making vague threats and staring into the sunset like something tragic just happened (even if it didn’t).

Warning: Sasuke’s Tears were harvested under extreme emotional duress — mostly after being told he wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. Do not taunt the jar. Do not look the jar in the eyes. If the jar starts monologuing about betrayal, rules, and what you must or mustn't do, please turn it off and back on again.

No Sasukes were physically harmed during production. Emotionally though? Oh, absolutely.